i started the day by going to the mosque for prayers. went alone. cycled there. the solemn occasion was really heartwarming. immediately after prayers before the khutbah, i wanted to go home. but i got held back cuz my slippers were covered with a mat which still had ppl sitting on it. haha. so i just listened to the khutbah as well lor.. initially, i thought i was gonna cycle home bare-footed. haha.

at home, i ate mum's hari raya cooking. hehe. deliciousooo! there was lontong, serunding, rendang, prawns, daging.. yummy. ate while watching TV. oh, i gotta say the sitcom in Sinar Lebaran this year is simply very amusing and hilarious. especially that Suhaimi Yusof. haha. he's a natural.

went to grandma's house.. i guess the whole experience was bittersweet.. one cuz i met not only my grandmother but i met my relatives. two cuz my dad wasnt there with us and i was pretty much clueless with who's who on my mother's side.

the thing is for the past many years i've been visiting my grandma every hari raya and every time for some unknown reason, my dad would be hesitant to join us. and every time it would be, eat, ask for forgiveness and go home immediately. i can tell without any doubt that my mum doesnt want to meet our relatives. amazingly, my mum wasnt successful this year.. i guess i cant blame my mum for wanting to. it's like there's a sense of embarrassment every single time my uncles and aunts ask, "Mane suaminye?"

until now, i'm pretty embarrassed when i go out during hari raya with only my mum and sis. no offence to my own mum but it's like she's a widow. seriously. even my sis said it.

besides feeling ashamed and such, i feel so empty. there's a like a void. even so, it feels so heavy. like a burden.. every single time, while walking, on the bus, anywhere.. if i see a complete family, i would just wish.. nvm.

so... even though it was a joyous occasion and all, i almost cried at one point of time and when everyone was leaving. the tears just flowed out. my sis cried too.. kinda felt empty again and disappointed with my dad. my uncle mentioned that even though we rarely meet, we're still family.. and yes, blood is thicker than water. i somehow felt some kind of closeness although i barely know them..

erm, right now.. i'm just trying to accept everything that Allah has laid out for me. i can't solely put the blame on my dad. i'll just pray the best for my dad. my family especially. i have to learn to be patient when handling things and not think too seriously abt things. anw, EOY is coming in 2 weeks..

RANDOM PART OF THE POST THAT PULLS ME OUT OF EMO MODE. haha.

Obek Osman's 5-year-old grandson has a PSP. and i don't even have one. haha.

Obek Osman's son, whose son is the cute bugger that has a PSP, has facebook and is gonna add me and my sis . haha.

Soki in boyan means rich.

Obek Osman live's with his 15-year-old son in JB. his wife passed away some time ago.

Obek Jamil has a grandson that, according to everyone else including him, looks like me. actually, i dont think so lah. haha.

according to Obek Osman, my mum was really shy when she was young. when someone would call out her name, she would run away really really fast. haha.

everyone thought i was the older sibling between me and my sis. -_- do i look that old? =( haha.

my cousin thought my sis was already working. she's still in sec 5 lah dey. and only 17. haha.

i think it's very rare to be tall in my family which includes my uncles blablaba cousins sedare-mare lah. according to Obek Jamil i am tall. everyone agreed. haha.

last but not least anyone know what kuih bidaran is? it's an old kuih.. my uncle has been asking his daughter-in-law, my mum and grandma abt it..

wokay.. that's all. Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri. Maaf zahir dan batin. forgive me for all my wrongdoings yea? May Allah bless you. =)