i'm such a sucky boyfriend.

most probably the worst you've ever had.

gawd, how i wish i could be the ideal boyfriend for you and won't create problems that.. that erm, idk, are lame? why are you even with me? i mean sometimes i just think i should break up with you cuz you really really really really really do deserve someone WAY better than me. but i just cant seem to do it lah. like i told you before, i would be damn sad if you were to leave me. wokay, maybe that's why i was depressed. i was thinking abt this.

i guess there are three things that make me a really sucky boyfriend. firstly, i find it hard to trust ppl. i guess i've had this for far too long that i can't even trust you wholeheartedly. there's just that tiny fraction of lack of confindence i have in you. believe me, i'm trying extremely hard to get rid of this feeling but i can't help but think you will surely leave me in future. this leads to me being highly pessimistic.

i've always hoped, from the start of our relationship, that it would last. but there's always a part of me that keeps telling me that it wont. no matter how much i tried to shake off this thought, it just keeps haunting me. invariably, making me depressed.

lastly, i'm not that confident in myself. i guess this is self-explanatory.

i'm starting to think all the small quarrels we've ever had are solely my fault. i just hope this feeling of hostility doesnt prolong.

i'm sorry i'm such a bad boyfriend to you.

i'm sorry i'm such a big distraction to you.

i'm sorry i'm so pathetic.

i'm sorry i'm so pessimistic.

i'm sorry i dont trust you wholeheartedly.

i know trust is a big issue in our relationship. but please, believe me at least. i'm trying my hardest to give you the trust that you've always longed for from me. i just need to change. give me time.

syafiqah, you mean the world to me. seriously. i just want you to be happy. always.

I love you. i really do.